


Sizing Things Up

by Icecat62



Category: Emergency!
Genre: Gen, Humor, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-14 00:05:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2170380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icecat62/pseuds/Icecat62
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy and Chris have a little talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sizing Things Up

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Johnny's Green Pen 28 Mini E!'s in 28 Days - 02/2002.

"Dad?"

"Yes Chris?"

"Can I ask you sompthin'?"

"Sure."

"What're hooters?"

Roy's head jerked up and the hedge clippers in his hands dropped to the ground. He stared down at his son's innocent looking face. Did he just ask him what hooters were? Where in the hell would he have heard that word?

Trying to remain calm and not act embarrassed, he picked the clippers up. Turning away from Chris, he resumed trimming the hedge.

"Chris where did you hear that word?"

"Um...I was kinda' in the kitchen gettin' a coupla' cookies an'..."

Roy stopped clipping the hedge. Turning, he gave Chris a look of disapproval.

"Did your mom say you could have any cookies?"

Chris looked down at the ground and toed the grass with a sneaker clad foot.

"No."

As Chris looked back up, his mind spun like a top. He could avoid any punishment if he got his dad back to what hooters meant. There had to be something bad about it from what he had heard and how his dad was acting.

"I'm sorry I ate the cookies, but what're hooters?"

Roy blinked a few times caught off guard again.

"Uh...well...Chris...um...who said it?"

Chris was now the one squirming.

"Uh...it was Mrs. Walters. She and Mom...she said it to Mom and...I heard them."

"What? I mean...why did she say that to your mom?"

Chris spoke in a rush.

"Mom said Uncle Johnny only dates women whose cup sizes are bigger than their IQs. Mrs. Walters said that maybe Mom should set Uncle Johnny up on a date with Miss Taylor down the street 'cause her hooters were bigger than grapefruits an' she was as dumb as a stump."

Roy's mouth dropped open, then snapped shut. He couldn't believe that Joanne would be talking like that with her friends.

Looking at Chris, he decided to be direct and to the point. It wouldn't help matters if he avoided the topic, it would only end up causing more problems later.

"Chris, what Mrs. Walters said was a derogatory word for breasts."

"What's derog...what's that mean?"

"It means bad."

"Oh."

Chris had a confused look on his face, causing a feeling of dread to begin in the pit of Roy's stomach. He knew he was now in for more questions that he wasn't prepared to answer. To his surprise Chris started grinning.

"So that means that all the girls that Uncle Johnny dates have big breasts!"

Roy choked back his laughter and rubbed a hand over his face to hide the smile that he knew he was wearing. Composing himself, he looked back at Chris.

"Well Chris...some of them...you know we really shouldn't be talking about Uncle Johnny's girlfriends."

The grin left Chris' mouth, but not his eyes.

"Then why were Mrs. Walters and Mom talkin' about them?"

"I have no idea why and if you weren't in the kitchen stealing those cookies we wouldn't be having this discussion now would we?"

"No."

"No what?"

"No sir."

Chris bit his lip as Roy stared down at him.

"I think you need to go to your room until dinner and think about how you shouldn't steal cookies or listen in on other people's conversations."

"Yes Dad."

Chris huffed slightly before trudging off toward the house.

Shaking his head, Roy went back to trimming the hedge. Maybe tonight he and Chris would have the 'talk' about the differences between men and women.

END


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